Gender Neutral Children

Based on my own observation through keeping up with news and the information presented in this article, it seems as though the phenomenon of parents raising their children as 'gender neutral' has become increasingly common in recent years. Beck Laxton and Kieran Cooper, parents of five-year-old Sasha, did not publicly reveal the gender of their son until they felt that they had no choice (once Sasha entered kindergarten). The basis of this decision lies in their disdain for gender stereotyping that seems to pervade every corner of modern society. Sasha's mother, in an article by Daily Mail, said, "Gender affects what children wear and what they can play with, and that shapes the kind of person they become. I start to get cross with it if it skews their potential." For this reason, Beck and Kieran referred to Sasha as "the infant" rather than addressing him as their son or daughter and only told a select few what Sasha's gender actually is. In addition, his parents allowed him to play with both dolls and Legos and wear both boys' and girls' clothing.

One of the main differences that distinguishes Sasha's parents from Storm's parents is that Sasha's parents are "keen to highlight the issue publicly and get other parents talking about it" whereas Storm's parents did not seem to have this intention. Canadians Kathy Witterick and David Stocker made the decision to raise their baby Storm as gender neutral, but Kathy was not too thrilled about all the criticism directed towards her and her husband after their announcement became public. Kathy wrote in a letter, "The strong, lightning-fast, vitriolic response was a shock. The idea that the whole world must know our baby's sex strikes me as unhealthy and voyeuristic." The reasons that Kathy and David cite for raising Storm as gender neutral are similar to the reasons that Sasha's parents named, however. Kathy calls it "a tribute to freedom and choice in place of limitation, a standup to what the world could become in Storm's lifetime."

I personally think this is such a positive, refreshing way to look at it. I agree that we are very bound by the stereotypes associated with our respective genders, and the idea that perhaps we can free ourselves from these stereotypes before they have an opportunity to take hold of us is intriguing. I do think there are definitely limitations to attempting to raise a gender neutral child, however. An American child psychiatrist named Dr. Harold Koplewicz, quoted in the Daily Mail article, does not agree with this practice, claiming that "when children are born, they're not a blank slate. We do have male brains and female brains." This is where I have a bit of a hard time wrapping my mind around this child-rearing strategy and thus know that I would not be capable myself of raising my child in such a way.

To me it is a shame that, despite the general spread of tolerance and acceptance in society these last few decades, people feel the need to attack these parents for their decision to raise their children in unconventional ways. If people made derisive, harshly judgmental comments directed toward parents disregarding their child's gender in the first few years simply because they were concerned about the development of the child, such comments would be slightly more tolerable. However, the majority of these critics are simply unwilling to open their eyes to the possibility that perhaps norm-breaking practices may be exactly what our society needs to correct the ills and injustices prevalent in cultures around the world. 

Social Networks

It has always been very clear to me which of my Facebook friends are very concerned about the image of themselves that they convey and which of my Facebook friends could care less how they are perceived by their Facebook pages. There is a group of people who take special care to ensure that their pages are neat, portray plentiful and accurate information, and contain only photographs in which they look polished and at their best. This group of people places great value on how they portray themselves on Facebook and thus how others perceive them, so they do what they can with the tools available to them on Facebook to preserve their image. Those who do not seem to care so much about the content and format of their pages do not seem to me to be trying to summarize themselves in a mere page on the Internet. The reasons for this can vary greatly. One may have no desire to recreate themselves via a personal webpage; another individual may not see a webpage as capable of summarizing himself or herself.

It is one thing to state that Facebook pages may in a sense fully portray a person's character and place in society. However, I do not think that a Facebook page can be considered capable of being a "virtual personality". For example, my Facebook page shows the town I live in, the schools I have attended, what pages I have "liked", and my favorite books, movies, and musicians. In addition, you can see who I am friends with, the photographs I have been tagged in or have posted myself, and what people post on my own wall. Visitors to my page get a glimpse at what I do, what I like, and who I associate myself with. They will not, however, be able to tell much about my personality because I do not post my thoughts or anything of the sort as status updates.

There are definitely gendered differences to Facebook. Teenage girls and young women tend to have many more photos of themselves on their pages, whether posted by themselves or their friends. Females also seem to be more self-conscious as to how these photos portray themselves and obsess over posted photos more frequently. Utilizing social media to gain status as part of the "cool" or "in" crowd is a normal part of teen life. In "Why Youth (Heart) Social Network Sites", Boyd writes that this process is "part of how they [teens] work through the cultural practices and legal rules that govern society". While girls compare themselves and their body and fashion images to other girls and their respective body and fashion images, boys look to portray toughness and masculinity and try to compete with such portrayals of other boys. Most of the pages of my male friends on Facebook from high school are dominated by photos and posts related to sports or outdoor activities. It appears to me that these young men are hoping to create a representation of themselves that highlights their "manliest" aspects.

Reality Television

A reality show that my family enjoys watching here and there is called "Shark Tank". The show first ran in 2009 on ABC and is still in production today. Aspiring entrepreneurs pitch their business ideas to a panel of judges who will then choose whether they want to invest. One of the judges is Barbara Corcoran, co-founder of a real estate business called The Corcoran Group. As the only female "shark", Barbara's gender is highlighted by the contrast of her behavior and the male judges' behavior as well as the comments directed towards her by the male judges. While the male sharks are brutally honest when critiquing the weaknesses or flaws in business plans and usually do not display patience or understanding, Barbara tends to try to be softer in her criticisms and in telling entrepreneurs that she will not be investing. The male judges tend to make jokes involving gendered stereotypes although Barbara herself has short hair and is not overtly feminine in appearance.



Just this fall, another female judge joined Barbara on the panel, and Barbara seemed to be very pleased about that. The following quote is from an interview with USA Today:

"I've been asking them to put two women on the set since the beginning," says Corcoran, who believes "the key that turned the lock was the tremendous amount of pressure they felt from viewers at home," which she stoked in countless speeches to groups of women who'd asked the same question.

It is clear from this quote that previously there had been a feeling of male hegemony on the show both on the panel as well as amongst the entrepreneurs. The following quote is from the same article in USA Today (Lori Greiner, "QVC queen", is the judge who joined Barbara this fall):

And both believe female sharks have "a better perspective on practical real-life things," Greiner says, "because they're the ones that do a lot of the purchasing for the home. They think three steps ahead."

From the episodes I have watched I can tell that Barbara is a very strong woman who will put up a fight if she has to, but I would agree that it probably has been even more difficult to trump the "woman" perspective now that two confident women are on the panel simultaneously. 

On an interesting side note, Barbara wrote a book entitled If You Don't Have Big Breasts, Put Ribbons on Your Pigtails: And Other Lessons I Learned from My Mom. Without knowing anything about the book, it is clear that Barbara has had experiences related to feminine stereotypes and body image. As a successful executive in a male-dominated field, Barbara has found that her gender plays a large role in how others treat her. In "Is TV for Real?" Janice Peck's analysis on Oprah's enterprise is discussed in addition to "the global impact that [her] key message of self-empowerment (especially for women) has had". In my opinion, Barbara Corcoran conveys a similar message of self-empowerment to women of humble beginnings like herself to not be intimidated to work their way up to the top of male-dominated professions.

Boys, Girls and Toys - Oh My

Upon entering any given toy store, it is extremely clear where you should head depending on the gender of the child you are looking to buy something for. The aisles filled with 'girl' toys seem to radiate the color pink. Walk down an aisle geared towards boys and you will find yourself immersed in a sea of dark colors. The little girl in the Youtube video explaining to her father her take on pink toys and princesses understands this clear distinction but is obviously unsure as to why this is the way things are. The packaging of a typical Barbie, Bratz, or Polly Pocket doll tends to be pink or purple, sparkly, and adorned with text in "cute" fonts. Dolls are abundant among aisles geared towards girls, but these aisles also contain items for playing dress-up as well as products for "playing house", such as the Easy Bake oven. From early childhood girls are exposed to the stereotypes placed upon them by society; girls should be ultra feminine, strive for beauty and fashion, and learn how to be domestic. The emphasis on body image and appearance is especially great in these toy stores, which is an unsettling concept considering how young the consumers of these products are.

In this photograph the changes made to Barbie's body are absolutely obvious. Her torso has been made much thinner, her breasts perkier, and her butt curvier. What disturbs me the most is that her underwear was made to be much skimpier. 

Bratz dolls are known for their extremely heavy makeup, flashy jewelry, fashionable (and sometimes revealing) clothing, and overdone hair. Why do we shelter young girls from inappropriate, oversexualized television but allow them to play with dolls that have unrealistic, unattainable bodies with scandalous clothing and highly made-up faces? Girls' toy aisles have a hidden agenda, which is to expose girls to what society expects of them as young women before they have even hit puberty.

The same thing is present in the boys' aisles as well. Boys' aisles primarily contain action figures of superheroes, athletes, and soldiers, all with exaggerated muscular builds and tough-looking facial expressions, in addition to toy trains and trucks, Matchbox cars, and sports equipment. Again we see that young boys are having thrown at them the mold they are expected to fill as they grow older in American society. Boys are exposed to products emanating hypermasculinity with the intentions of developing this hypermasculinity within the character of these boys as they grow. 

The little girl in the Youtube video made a point to say that there are boys who would like to buy princess dolls and girls who would enjoy playing with superhero action figures, but she was not sure why they were not allowed to do so. Technically nothing is stopping these children, but the toy stores and American media in general surely don't make it easy for them to even think of asking the question. 

Gender and the Military

I do not personally know anyone currently employed by the military. Both of my grandfathers served in our nation's military during World War II. My father's father was a member of the Air Force and spent time on duty in Europe; my mother's father was a translator for the government. My mother's father, Harold, was born and raised on an Estonian island and had to stay in Germany for two years when he and his family tried to immigrate to the United States; thus he learned the German language very well and was of use to the American government's secret intelligence during the war. I do not know too much about either of my grandfathers' service, but I think I can safely assume that the odds of my grandmothers serving in the Air Force during WWII would have been slim to none. I would also assume that the extreme trust and heavy responsibility placed upon Grandpa Harold--the work he would do was so top-secret that he never told my mother or her family specifically what kind of things he did--would not be placed upon a woman. While times have changed significantly, we still see gender and sexuality discrimination in our military today. Whether or not we do it consciously, we associate violence and muscularity with masculinity in our culture. Military symbolism is frequently used to "enhance the masculine identification and appeal of products" in American advertising, according to Jackson Katz in his article "Advertising and the Construction of Violent White Masculinity". While it is true that there are true physical differences between men and women, this is not always the case, but it seems that we have been choosing to ignore this fact. We would likely be able to find a woman in the military with physical abilities superior to at least one man. The concerns about unit cohesion with a mixed-gender group are legitimate, but the editorial I read discusses alternatives that would hopefully ease potential tensions, such as having all-female units. The media play a large role in how American society as a whole shapes their viewpoints on women in the military. There have been several stories that went viral in the media about female soldiers who claimed to have been sexually abused and the subsequent harassment that followed these claims. The media spin stories to make us pity the female and remind us of why the female is not cut out for the world of warfare. The story of the NFL star Pat Tillman's service and death was also spun by the media to be something that it was not, so we see cases of male soldiers also being objectified and portrayed as things that they are not. When it comes to military spouses, we see that the primary focus is on military wives. This perpetuates the cultural norm of soldiers being male. There are reality television shows dedicated to documenting the lives of the wives of men serving our nation and all that comes with this territory. As far as I know, we do not have such television shows dedicated to military husbands, reinforcing the idea that women still have a lot to gain in terms of their prominence in the military.

Intelligence vs. Icon

When one thinks of Marilyn Monroe, many words and images may come to mind, but "intellectual" is highly unlikely to be one of them. She is probably the most famous sex symbol in modern American history, and thoughts related to this status of hers are the most likely to be invoked when Marilyn Monroe's name is mentioned. However, since her death there have been numerous discussions regarding her intelligence that the public knew little about and that the media did not choose to make known. Neil Norman's article discusses this relatively new portrayal of Monroe "as a deep-thinking feminist icon who hid her intellect to secure fame". While Norman does not seem to agree with the "feminist" description, he does acknowledge the fact that Monroe was an intellectually curious woman, not the blonde bimbo that she was portrayed as. I feel that she hid this intelligence because she was under the impression--whether this impression is accurate or not remains ambiguous to this day--that the American public is widely attracted to the female that exudes sexuality, beauty, and other stereotypes of the ideal woman and that in order to gain a high level of fame she must fall under this stereotype. The years in which she was alive and extremely famous were of a different era than the one in which we live today. A sex icon who was intellectual and philosophical would be a rarity that would take Americans by surprise and possibly provoke negative reactions and decrease her celebrity. While women are still working to fight gender inequality prevalent in multiple areas of American society, we have made great strides when looking back on where we were during Marilyn Monroe's life in the spotlight. I believe it would be more acceptable now for a sex symbol to showcase her intellectual side without risking a decrease in popularity, but I do think there may be some female celebrities intentionally not forwardly revealing aspects of their true character even today. For example, after doing some research I have seen on multiple websites and in multiple publications that Natalie Portman is known to be one of the "smartest" celebrities in American society today. In an article found on MSN Him, Phil Boucher writes that Portman "has a psychology degree from Harvard, did post-graduate studies at the Hebrew University in Jerusalem and is fluent in Hebrew, French and Japanese. As if that wasn't enough Natalie has also lectured in counterterrorism at Columbia University in New York and had research published in a US scientific journal within the catchily titled paper 'Frontal lobe activation during permanence: data from near-infrared spectroscopy'." Now, while this information about Portman's academic achievements is out there for anyone to read up on, I think it is safe to say that it will never be consumed by the majority of Americans who know of Natalie Portman. I did not know any of this before this assignment, and I am actually a big fan of this actress. The media is not taking pains to enlighten us with this knowledge, but it does not seem that Portman is taking pains to make it known herself from what I can make of it--although it is important to note that in high school she once said that she would "rather be smart than a movie star." Women who utilize their knowledge and are assertive in doing so tend to be called "snobby" or "bitchy," perpetuating this hesitancy to display intellect in a large arena. Gail Trimble, a 26-year-old student, was the target of this sort of criticism after dominating the competition on the televised British quiz show "University Challenge."

Gendered Slang/Language

Colloquialisms and even basic, formal words in many languages are most certainly gendered. The grammatical rules of certain foreign languages I have studied are heavily based on gender, more so than in the English language. Many words, specifically nouns, in Italian end in either -o or -a, and this signifies the "gender" of the word. We see that even inanimate objects are associated with either the male or female gender, and the structure of phrases is constructed according to this property. In the English language the prevalence of gendered words and grammatical rules is not as common, but we still do see the presence of gender. Pronouns like "he" or "she" carry with them many presumptions about what is being referred to, simply because these pronouns stand for two separate genders and all the stereotypes associated with them. Many other common words in the English language have gendered meanings, regardless of whether we are conscious that they do. For example, the word "nurse" is a simple word which describes a certain profession. However, the majority of English speakers in this country think of females when they think of a nurse. This gendered meaning to the word is based on a widespread view that has come to be a stereotype in American culture. On another note, one would rarely describe a man as "chic" or "stylish." We associate these words with females and use them to describe women's fashion, especially fashion that is considered to be above and beyond the norm but not in too much of an unusual or unique sense. Would you describe a man as "beautiful?" What about a female as "handsome?" These are two of the most obvious examples of common words with gendered meanings that I could think of. The most heavily gendered colloquialisms in the English language, in my opinion, are obscenities. "Slut" brings to mind a female; almost every definition listed in Urban Dictionary contains the word "female," "girl," or "woman." The true implications of the word have to do with distasteful sexuality and sexual practices, but it has been shaped to include "female" as part of its definition. The same story goes for the derogatory term "bitch." The gendered meaning of this word is evident by the personal offense men take when they are called this word. This also exhibits the prevalent sexism in our society; women are not as insulted when somehow being compared to a type of male--the dominant gender. On the other hand, a derogatory term which almost always is associated with males is "dick," which probably has much to do with the fact that the term also describes male genitals. As we can see, gendered meanings are pervasive in the English language.

All in the Family

The 'nuclear' family was a pervasive element in American mass media and culture for decades. The first thing that comes to my mind is all the programs on television that were centered on the lives of these nuclear families. Dad would walk in the door arriving home from work around 5 or 6 PM, and Mom would have dinner waiting on the table. In the morning, Mom would feed her husband and her children breakfast before sending them off to work and school, respectively. For many years this has been the prevalent image in Americans' minds as to what the "perfect" American family should be like. The husband was always the breadwinner of the household, and the wife was the primary cooker, cleaner, and caretaker of the children and household. Portrayal of the nuclear family in television, movies, and print allowed for a form of oppression to fall upon women who desired to break this mold. Modern families do not conform to this rigid structure. Today we see families with women as the primary breadwinners and the men as the homemakers. We also see many more households with single parents both maintaining professional careers and caring for their children. Modern television shows tend to depict both the age-old stereotypes as well as the more current dynamics of working-class and middle-class individuals and families. Richard Butsch writes in his essay "Ralph, Fred, Archie, Homer, and the King of Queens" that "the few working-class men were portrayed as buffoons...dumb, immature, irresponsible, and lacking in common sense...[but] typically well intentioned, even lovable". These blue-collar men were the heads of their households and were "played against more sensible wives". We do not think of an irresponsible, lazy man as the powerful husband in the ideal nuclear family, but the nuclear family is in a way represented through the sensible wife who keeps the household together. In the article "Dad-Mom Role Reversals," we see how there are many people in society who still think along the lines of the nuclear family concept despite the poor state of our current economy. Men who lose their jobs and find themselves becoming the caretaker of the children--the "stay-at-home dad"--often have a difficult time coming to terms with their new role in the family. Psychologists tell us that the experience of being laid off is emotionally devastating in itself and therefore makes the transition even more troublesome for professional men. As more and more women are becoming the primary breadwinners for their families and advancing their professional careers, an increasing number of men are taking the role of the homemaker. Although women have yearned to get out of the kitchen for years, some wives are very critical of their husbands' work in the household and find themselves picking up their husbands' slack, so to speak. It is clear that both men and women are among those who have a rough time letting go of previous roles, which in this case are very distinct for both genders and have until recent years been dominant in American society. One of the most important benefits of this role reversal is that husbands and wives are learning what it's like to be in each other's shoes and are thus becoming more empathic towards each other.

Music Videos Imagery and Lyrics

One contemporary music video that certainly challenges gender roles is the music video for Lady Gaga's song "Poker Face." The song lyrics also serve to challenge gender roles. In the beginning of the video, while emerging from a swimming pool fully clothed, she tosses what appears to be a bra out of the water. This action reminded me of a feminist symbol protesting gender inequality and masculine domination. Also towards the beginning of the music video, Lady Gaga lounges on a chair while she is attended to (by a robot); this is usually conventional of a music video in which a male bachelor is at the center of the action and attention. Throughout the video, numerous men are all over the singer, touching her lustfully and vying for her attention. We commonly see this phenomenon the other way around in many music videos, with women crawling over the male musician. The lyrics of this song mostly consist of Lady Gaga speaking of how she will control the relationship between her and an unnamed man, definitely challenging what we may define as gender roles in romantic or intimate relationships: "After he's been hooked I'll play the one that's on his heart." In addition, "I won't tell you that I love you, kiss or hug you" defies the notion that women should always be willing to do what men want or say what they want to hear. The most repeated line of the song, "can't read my poker face," has been thought to imply Lady Gaga's bisexuality, which would certainly be defying stereotypical gender ideologies of what is and is not generally accepted. 

Another song and video that I believe challenges some gender roles is the song "The Boys" by Nicki Minaj and Cassie. From the very beginning of the music video we see a harem of men following Nicki Minaj as she strolls down the street, toiling to keep her covered by their umbrellas. As Nicki Minaj and Cassie make their way through the bright town, men painting buildings and working near the road stop and stare at the women. We commonly see occurrences of women hungrily staring at handsome men in music videos before throwing themselves at them. Nicki Minaj spends some time in an expensive sports car, taking the place of the privileged men we usually see inside such vehicles in music videos. The two singers dance a bit provocatively together, which defies heterosexual ideologies that are prevalent in pop music culture. The hook of the song takes a straight hit at male dominance in our society: 
"You get high, fuck a whole bunch of girls,
And then cry on top of the world
I hope you have the time of your life
I hope, I don't lose it tonight"

Here the two musicians are discussing the unfair truth of how many men behave in our society and how they get whatever they want no matter what or even if they do not deserve it. This is a very bold statement by these two famous women. It may sound vulgar or perhaps a little exaggerated, but it captures the essence of the unjust gender roles that exist in our society. The resentment felt by Nicki and Cassie is clear with the sarcastic line "I hope you have the time of your life."

YouTube, I Tube, We all Tube

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2up_Eq6r6Ko

Pitbull - Hotel Room Service

I have always found this song to be way too vulgar for mainstream radio stations (for example, the New York-based station Z100 on which it can be heard). From the very beginning of this music video, multiple scantily-clad women throw themselves at the rapper and then proceed to serve him alcohol as if they were his servants. His lyrics consists mostly of him telling the women what he is going to do to them or what they are going to do together. In the middle of the music video, the song stops and a woman storms into the scene. Appearing to be his girlfriend, the woman is furious that Pitbull has not been answering her phone calls all day and that he is obviously getting very comfortable with three half-naked women. In this video the role of the women is to please the well-dressed, clean-cut man by any means possible, whether sexually or almost in a servant-like manner. The male gets to sit back and enjoy this "service," but he also has the power and dominance to tell the women exactly what he plans on doing when the time comes for him to not be so passive. I think the target audience for this video is young men and women ranging from teenage years to low-20s, people who are likely to be able to relate to this type of party atmosphere. I do not think it is necessarily all that effective in reaching this audience because I find Pitbull to be very tasteless and disrespectful in his blatant objectification of women, and I know I am not the only individual who feels as such.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGyQQUsNLsY

Bow Down - Beyonce

This video portrays Beyonce as a royal queen in the days of old, and throughout the video she is attended to and surrounded by men in her court. She is fully and appropriately clothed, which is contrary to the usual attire worn in such music videos; although the men in the court are, too, they look sort of foolish (there is even a jester or two among the men). This is different from stereotypical music videos in which fully clothed men are surrounded by scandalous but usually beautiful women. The men bow down to her and act childish in fighting to open the door for her. Beyonce as a female in this music video has the power and dominance over everyone else; she is majestic, strong, and beautiful. Defying stereotypical gender roles, the men are all beneath her in status and are even portrayed as slightly foolish in demeanor. I think the target audience is the broad fan base Beyonce has--both men and women, mostly ranging from teenagers to relatively young adults. I believe the video is effective in reaching the target audience because the video itself is not as egotistical as the lyrics are; therefore we are distracted from the bold lyrics that have the potential to turn off audience members and are instead drawn to a video that portrays this well-respected superstar as the strong woman she is.

Finding a video portraying stereotypical gender roles was a very simple task for me because these portrayals are so common among mainstream music and music videos these days. It was much more difficult to find a video that defies these gender roles, and that fact was quite unsettling to me. The media perpetuates stereotypes in an age when we are trying to achieve freedom and equality for all, so it is striking to think about how frequently I see music videos in which women are truly treated as the objects of men, smoking and drinking while enjoying the sexual obedience of their female objects.